Living a life...

I am terrible at saying 'no'... I also have a great power of tolerance... I can keep taking crap for a very long time... But once, a threshold is reached (note this could take forever), i draw a line... It is difficult and it is not something i wish for, but there is only so much that i can take... Which come s to why people take someone for granted... If there is something i have learnt from life, it is never take anything for granted... You never know when it can be snatched away from you... Not your parents, not your friends or your love... You never know when the last bitter statement you make to your loved one, could end up being the last thing you ever said to them... You never know when the last time your dismissal of the urge to say "I love you Dad" could be the moment you regret for the rest of your life coz you didnt have an opportunity to say it again... You never know when the last thing you did today was the last thing you did ever... When someone learns to make the most of every moment of life, he has learnt the value of life... It is not easy... Time flies, we say... Actually time goes at its pace, but did you make the most of today? Did you hug your mom this morning? Did you tell your grandparents you love them??? Did you tell your spouse how meaningless your life is without them???

their stories...

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, without the worries of the world and with the stubbornness that would move mountains, I had a favorite past time... It was something I always looked forward to... I would wait eagerly to go to Dreamland Society in Chembur, where my grandparents lived...

I had a fun childhood; probably one of the best... I am the eldest grandchild maternally, and thus, was pampered a lot... I have always been the apple of my grandparents' eyes... While I was growing up, I used to go live at their place quite often... All through the day, my uncles would play games with me and my brother... Immi Mama would have all sorts of "weird" collections... From lighters (from different countries) to Naan-chaakus... He showed us how to fire a rifle, taught my bro Karate, and so on... Acchu Mama on the other hand, taught me how to make plants out of saplings and I did that a lot... I used to pretend to help get coconuts from the tree in their backyard (pretend because someone else atually did it while I tried my best to move the tree with the amazing strength in my 7 year old hands)... When my friends would come home, we would use the storeroom as our "house" and cook make-believe food on make-believe stoves...

And then came story time... When my grand-dad came home, he would seat me on his lap and tell me his shikaar ke kisse (hunting stories)... He used to hunt deer and wild rabbits with his father during his growing years... He grew up in the village and had all sorts of adventure stories that amused and excited me... The night his father mistakenly shot a tiger that attacked their nursery, the day they blinded a wild rabbit that suddenly jumped before their jeep... The stories never ended...

Then came evening time when my grand-mom would cook chapatis (Indian bread) for the family and I would take part of the dough and make mini-chapatis, that she would then help me cook on the stove... Come night-time, I would look forward to the bed-time stories that my grand-mom would save up for me... Each story had a moral that made me think a lot... Each story had an exciting adventure... Most of them were cut-outs from her Gujarati newspaper... She would ignore her tiredness and go on till I would drift off into my world of dreams...

And so my adventurous day would end...

I miss it all...

bitter...

So recently, I have become one of the biggest fans of House MD... As absurd as it may sound, I seem to find a connection with Dr. House... No, I do not walk with a cane or snap at everyone I meet... I am not mean or rude to every person :) Theres something deeper to that character that makes me think a lot...

He always says "Everybody lies"... I have always believed otherwise... According to me, every person is basically nice and good... That you should always trust people... That punishing someone else for something someone did to you at some point in time, is wrong... This attitude of mine has always led me to hurt and most often than I would like, betrayal... But for some reason, I know I will always think this way...

Mom always said "Learn something good you see from every person you meet"... This has made me the person I am today... I trust because I can be trusted... I believe people dont lie unnecessarily, because I dont lie... Seriously, I don't!!! That doesnt mean I have never lied but I have never done it if it wasnt to save someone distress or hurt... Believe it or not!!!

Coming back to House, I like studying damaged or screwed up people (reel characters)... Also, it makes you realize you are not as screwed up as you think... There are people way worse than you... I believe nothing in life can be worse than not being able to trust... Imagine not being able to be vulnerable and open up completely to that one person you want to be with!!! Trust is not easy and many people will disagree with me...

BUT tell me what can be more tragic than finding the person of your dreams and then not being able to make it, just because you could not bring yourself to trust him/her... And why??? Because you were too afraid or just too insecure??? Think about it...

Choices...

They are never easy... For a Libran like me, its next to impossible; actually its impossible to make a choice and be sure of it...

A voice once explained the reason for the most traumatic event of my life, in one word: "yes"... that might not mean anything to people who dont know me but trust me on this... I do believe there is a reason for everything in life... the most horrible events as well... I do not know why certain things have happened in my as well as the lives of those around me... But I know at some point, the reasons will be uncovered... So does that mean I am talking about divine reasons???

I recently read a book chapter based on St.Augustine's preachings and beliefs... The chapter ended with a question that made me wonder... It said that if we believe God is omniscient, then that means he knows which of us will do what and when and thus, he knows the fate of each one... But if everything is pre-determined, then what are we doing here exactly???

I believe in fate... My definitions of a lot of things are deviant from the usual (by the way)... I believe in Karma... Every action has a reaction... Newton said so too... But our actions are not the only ones affecting what happens to us... Neither is anything random... If that were the case, too many unreasonable things would occur just too often... In fact, there is a logic and reasoning attached to each event... It isnt as simple as A-->B... If I compare this "logic" of mine to a regulatory network (thats my computational biologist awakening), then each subcircuit would be an event and all the factors, proteins and other "unknown" factors involved in providing functionality to this subcircuit would be the Karmas... And then there are many unknown (un-understood) layers that add to the complexity of the definition of this subcircuit...

Next time you make a choice, know that it WILL definitely affect your life in the future... And it might just be the best decision you ever made... I trust my unknown layer called intuition a lot more...

TRUST YOURSELF!!!

Nostalgia...

Was reading my old comments on some blogs back in 2005. Brought back lots of memories. Funny how time just swoops past by... How much people change and how much the way we think or approach things changes... Nostalgia!!! Its not always a good thing... 

I found a comment I left that describes how I disagreed with the author and told him/her that it all boils down to perspective... that you neednt feel alone just 'coz you are sitting alone... That somewhere in this world someone awaits you... Someone loves you... I wonder whether i still believe that... I guess I do... But have I been there where one feels all alone even in a room full of people??? Of course!!! I have seen loneliness in all its colors; caused by various people/occurrences... Do I still believe someone out there loves me so I should not feel that way??? Yes... 

Hurt!!! Its all very subjective... Why do we get hurt??? Because we give those close to us the power to hurt us... An enemy you could care less for will not hurt you the way your loved one would... But I would rather experience that closeness and be hurt than be deprived of it altogether... Everyone loves to be wanted... 

Here I sit at 1:30am writing more "beliefs"... I wont stop... Never learnt to... Never will... I changed my motto a long time ago to 

BRING IT ON...

The measure of a man is the men that measure by him...

I just saw The Bucket List...Since I am writing a post about it, it is needless to say that the movie left a mark on me... Very rarely do I come across movies that teach you something... Now that my 2 posts have been about movies, let me tell you I am not a movie buff... I have gone an entire year without watching a single one... But if i come across a good one, I don't miss it...

Back to what this is about... Life!!! So over-rated; so cliched... But still, there's something about it that we like coming up with theories and our takes at what life is about...In the midst of growing up, learning, setting goals, striving to achieve them, taking care of one's responsibilities etc etc, one forgets to live... Have I "lived" every minute of the 23 years of my life??? NO... Why not? I don't know...

A poster in my old room said "In life, one does not regret the things one did but the things one did not do". No line could be truer... But you know what, there is always time for realization and change... Often, we accept the truths (supposedly so) of life but rarely do people have the courage to step up and do something about them... Watching two terminally ill people going around the world living and making the most of what they have made me smile... It made me think a little more...

I thought about the year I made a new year resolution to do one new thing everyday... Something I had never done before and how I stuck to it for the next 4 months... Then, did I forget or lose interest? Not really... I just became a little more realistic... Even today, I try my best to stick to that resolution at every chance I get... Many people spend their lives living at the will of others... Maybe it is sacrifice... But I do not believe in living a life where at the end, all you have is a lot of unfinished business... Make the people you love happy... But when you are happy, making others around you happy is the easiest thing in the world...

"When was the last time you lay in the grass under the sun, without a worry?": This was a question a dying patient asked her doctor in an episode of Scrubs... I asked myself that question... And I didn't remember...

Life is not as complicated as we make it out to be... Life is just about living... Nothing more... But the living is what makes it the most beautiful thing that has ever existed...